IM OK
Finally 2008 is HERE! I rang in the new year with great friends and my sis, so I had a great time though I did not plan to be in bed by 3am maybe that was a good thing. I spent the entire next day reflecting back on "07", all the mistakes I made, situations I shouldeve walked away from but didn't. I turned my phone off and was completely alone in my apartment, I sat legs crossed with my gingerbread latte in hand, pure silence and All I could do was smile...a week before xmas I had somewhat of an emotional breakdown, I cried for what seemed like hours and now...I'm....OK! Im no
longer afraid to say NO and never again will I allow the bare minimum from anyone anymore. This year I plan on staying within my social cocoon, I feel safer that way, My heart is now shielded with such armor that Its gonna take an army to break down those walls. Im not saying thats a good thing but it seems to work for me. I can no longer crash and burn on the account of others. Its almost like an awakening , I no longer care what others think or say about my actions. And I could careless about what goes on in the lives of anyone outside my family. I have finally been pushed to the point of no return. There is only one of me and I know I'm a good person, Whoever doesn't see that, well that really sucks for them. Its MY TIME.....ITS FINALLY MY TIME!
The opposite sex:
Its funny how much hurt someone can unknowingly inflict on a person, the amount of pain they can cause, while they seemingly remain untouched with no scars. Totally oblivious to their actions. I wonder if its my naivety that allows me to believe that they are infact as nonchalant and unaffected as they seem. I have however grown more than I thought I would. I feel a sense of freedom, I no longer wait for phone calls from that person,I don't wonder what he's doing...frankly I don't care. I had one of the most intellectual stimulating conversations with one of my guy friends. That let me know there is soo much more out there, It was like a breath of fresh air to talk about something other than "sports".."BET"..or "the club".
Im taking comfort in knowing that I will never be the same person twice. Mistakes will be made , but I've allowed myself to "feel" all those feelings and weather the storm...knowing this too shall pass. I walk away from everyone and everything in "07" with no regrets knowing exactly who I am.
HAPPY NEW YEAR:
Myself (with the legs out..lookin whore-a-licious), my sis and friends!
new year
Is it weird that Im extremely excited for the new year? I mean the only thing that really changes are the numbers..but in my mind I like to think everything changes..new year...new me!! I always make a million resolutions and try my best to stick to them, most of the time I do for the next month..and thats it lol. So my resolution this year, like last year...is to just be happy no matter what. Let go of everything negative, all my doubts and fears...let go and just DO IT!...I have to say though "07" has been good to me, I cant say that I accomplished everything I wanted to, but I tried my best to remain in good spirits and I've met and bonded with sooo many great amazing people...Im gonna make this short and sweet but i'll be back in "08"
HAPPY HOLIDAYS (even though Im not big on xmas)
My lifes just....FINE
Last night was a strange night for me. I could not sleep at all..I tossed and turned for hours and hours. Then I decided to put on my ipod and hopefully fall asleep. But listening to certain songs just gave me somewhat of an awakening. For instance "Fly like a bird" and " Through the rain" By Mariah. I dunno I guess I just realized certain things and ppl in my life are just not worth the effort. Im naturally a nice person and that tends to be my downfall a lot of times. People take my kindness for weakness..only calling on me when they need/want something or when it suits them. And u know what thats perfectly fine..But I learned not to give sooo much. I had to make such a tough decision lately and im still going back n forth with myself wondering if it was the right thing to do. Regardless though a decision had to be made...rather it was for the best or for the worse...if I didnt do something about the situation I wouldeve just remained stagnant and that helps nobody. From now on...people who wanna remain in my life have to prove themselves worthy. Why should I allow you my time and company? What have you done for me lately?.......I realized things arent soo tough and life really isnt as bad as I sometimes make it seem. No matter what goes on I know I will make it, Im determined...I may get stuck in a rut but I damn sure will pull through and thats the reality of it. The new year is approaching sooo fast and I cannot wait...so here's to the future!
leftover lovin
As I here at 3:08am..I am totally and completely taken. This man *sigh*..this man. It started out as a nice date between what has finally become two great friends. We laughed we were serious. Goals ambitions..you name it..we discussed it over nachos and mojitos (with a tad too many mint leaves). It was funny we ended up at the same restaurant where we shared our very first date, and there we were almost 2 years later. More sure of ourselves, more aware. We pulled up at my place with no intentions whatsoever. We talked more about his business..men..women,relationships..my book..ect. We shared a heated kiss and I invited him in. Foolish me, wasnt I the same one who just told myself I would not lose focus like this, I will not be getting intimate with anyonre for a while.I wish I could go into detail, but thats a piece of him I want selfishly. Now here I am 2hrs later. Left with thoughts of what will never be. Wondering if he's sleep yet. Warm passionate kisses.Im left with leftover sweat and covered in his cologne from head to toe. Tonight was something different..somewhat of an experience. Why do I feel soo beautiful with him? my sexiest?..my insecurities, prove to be nonexistent with him and Im still wondering why my motivation sky rockets. Is he my inspiration? Watching his naked body re dress himself..soo tall..soo brown..soo incredibly sexy in every way a man can be sexy SHIT! he just fucked up my whole week ..Like rihanna and neyo sing "beyond a reason why". And now I lay here wanting to phone all my girls...frustrated that they're all sleeping. Im left with this feeling...this leftover love thing? nah impossible..not me...it couldnt be...Still gotta stay true cus deep down im still a "G" lol...wheewww that man!
::Contemplation:::
I wonder what it would be like to chop off allll my hair and live in the woods?? hmm just a thought. What do you do when your j.o.b literally makes you sick to your stomach and the thought of going to the office bring tears to your eyes **literally**. Never in my young life have I had a job like that until now and I've had a million jobs in my day. Do you stick it out miserably or do you take a chance and leave? I feel stuck and in a sick twisted way I wanna get fired..atleast then I have no more self-doubt Im forced to take my wings back and flyy. I feel restricted and all the red tape corporate bull sh*t makes me wanna gag a million times over. When you know that your a damn good worker but your only acknowledged for the few mistakes you make its heart wrenching. Im gonna contintue to seek guidance because Im at a loss and have absolutely no clue what to do next. I wiiish I had a rich family and didnt have to work...EVER! lol that would be the LIFE right there...
To leave or NOT to leave...I'll keep you posted
give thanks....NOT!
Ok..Can
rihanna do any wrong?? I mean seriously..she is undeniably beautiful! She comes off as a bitch but still gorgeous and in the next life....Please let me come back as her
lol.
Anywho.....
Im not understanding why everyone is
sooo HYPE over thanksgiving? I mean
sheesh who
would've known all it takes to get
ppl in a good mood is dry ass turkey with some gravy. It really makes me no
never mind, If I had it my way I would
sleeeeep the entire thanksgiving away..Holidays
dont thrill me much and its gonna take a lot more than stuffing to win me over.
Im still dealing with the everyday negativity. I will never understand why people feel the need to input their unsolicited negative comments, but I am learning to make everyday count no matter how hard the rain pours.
I'm learning that people will always talk, its human nature , it
doesn't make what they're saying right...or true. Though sometimes I wish there was a bright pink bubble with gold insulation that I could hide out in every once in a while. A lot of people
dont understand that negativity only fuels my fire. To those who give a shit about thanksgiving and giving thanks..u know
allll that hoopla....have a great holiday
lmao...now black
friday is what we should really be celebrating
biiitches!!!
