Friday, August 31, 2007

THE DEVIL.......eats hamburgers!!!

I've always been pretty comfortable for the most part about my weight, I mean I've been the same size since 8th grade...I really only work out when Im about to go on vacation or to some big vain I KNOW!! anyway


My huge party is next weekend and I been desperately searchin for the perfect "I know you want it, I look better than you, put me to bed, freak em dress" And I prefer it to be pink!! So Im shoppin with my sis and I see this amazing dress in this little boutique....I try on 3 different dress.....wait rewind..there are NOO sizes on the dresses..I ask the little asian man at the counter and he says "one size fit all". Im thinkin "huh" one size fits all in what country?? surely not this im not worried I go in and ........

NONE OF THE DRESSES ZIP UP...WTFFFFF???? If that wasnt a blow to my enormous ego then I dont know what is. Of course I played it off like it didn't bother me....but in my head im like "what the hell have u been eating you fat ass, you cant even fit into 3 different dresses"..If that wasnt enough to totally crush my ego..I go to yet another store where one size does NOT fit all..and guess what...bitch wouldn't zip up either!!.....ARRRRGGGH im screaming by this time ..and cursing every single crumb I have ever eatin in my entire existence! Thennnn....I see some girl I dont like..and shes tiny,,I knowww she was thinkin "fat bitch" !!....So I vow not to EAT ever again in life..ok thats extreme but can you blame me...YOU try not being able to fit 3 different then I went to a store that I KNEW had every size..and of course my big fat self fits into this drape of a dress perfectly. And I'm breaking out stressing over this damn party......Im a walking disaster right now..if you see somebody hiding in the corner binging on dunkin cream and cookies with huuuge dark sunglasses on and wet wipes....dont be alarmed. A prayer
lord....Please make me strong enough to over come the "fast food devil", If ever I indulge in chocolate cake please strike me with lightening.....for every pound I gain please let a car hit me in the legs so that I am unable to walk to dunkin donuts for my iced coffee..xtra sugar.

Sunday, August 26, 2007

D.A.H (dumb ass hoes)

EDIT--And another thing....when did H&M get soo flyyy..I mean I love their clothes, but they fell off for a minute...omg omg I nearly peeed in my pants when I witnessed the leather bomber jackets..or the perfect organic cotton blend sweaters..that would be paired perfectly with a set of their off-silver pearls *and the angels sang* ps....guys who work at H&M ARE HOTT!!!!!!!!! yum yum...sorry back to the program. --EDIT

oK so Im trying this new thing where I dont curse......"A LOT" and its hard as hell. Its funny when you reach a certain point in your life...a certain state of mind I mean. Where you can't tolerate the bullshit no more (oops there I go again). Fck it...Im fed up, I will never ever take another "duck" under my wing. And by that I mean, "Toe up confidence..wannabe cool..dollar menu..color blind.swagger jackin..ass hoe!" I wish people would realize that its much much easier to be themselves versus someone else. I peeped that waay back in high school, Yesss Im beyond fabulous, I have the gift of gab, my talents surpass the norm...but YOU are equally as gifted in your own way..I mean isn't everybody (ok well maybe not equally as...). I invite you places...tryna upgrade and show you a good time and you basically spit in my face...must not know...My middle name is "PEACE". If I write you off....Its like you never existed...and....another one bites the dust!!! <-------sticks tongue out..see pic .


Saturday night I went to this king magazine party..not really my scene..I don't do the shoot em up style clubs. Hole in the wall joints never really were my thing. Since my so-called friend wanted to go..I made it work. Luckily i had my "real" friends there to keep me sane. I'm sooo tired of the club scene. I became a home body, cus the whole night I was wondering what was on t.v and not really paying anybody up in there any mind at all. Then we went somewhere else..seen some cuties ..but I just really wasn't interested at all..I couldn't wait to get the hell home. I'm swearing off men for at least 6 months...My ex text me all liquored up ..talkin bout "you need to come down here, you know Im a freak when I drink" Umm..homie u need to step OFF...on sum real! Then the mothafcka says "You can take my car to work"...yess yess very tempting but...NO! Im standing my ground..absolutely nooo MEN , Theres some things I gotta do..I gotta figure ME out furniture..finish my book, start my songwriting again , save and invest, and wont none of that be gettin done if I dont have my focus. I can no longer be bought with burger king fries, a bottle of parrot bay rum and caviar dreams "hmf"..I can't lie though Im thinkin I need to delete every males number out my phone...temptation is a BITCH..and pleaaase dont be FINE ...cus your number in my phone mixed with 2am desperation and club sweat equals a deadly concoction.

I dont care what nobody says..Karrine steffans aka SUPERHEAD..should be officially crowned the NEW american idol. I mean come on..this woman done slept with everyyyyy mofo in the industry...Im sure she has created numerous unheard of STDS all by herself..But no seriously I really respect her and somewhat admire her hustle (not the whole crack whore hustle) but the fact that she turned that into something more..this woman is now an author in her own right...WTF?? and if you visit her site ( you'll see shes very intelligent. Not to mention her hair is flyy ...I dunno there's just something very "gutter-fabulous" about her....hate it or love it. Meanwhile after a night of clubbin (i haate that word)...Im stuck at work, last nights makeup..headache and a non-matching attire....IT IS WHAT IT IS

Sunday, August 19, 2007

After the storm.....

They say after every storm..comes a rainbow...a light at the end of the tunnel. But what they dont say is after a storm comes a rainbow for 5seconds then thunder...then lightening..then more rain..and eventualllyyyy..THE SUN. Im not one to complain, infact I hate complaining because I always feel like my situation could be a whole hell of a lot worse, I hear other ppl's stories and they make me seem lucky. Right now , I am however feeling mentally and physically exhausted! just tired. My body literally aches and my head seems to never stop pounding. I dont have the energy to give negative ppl and things time and attention. Im now only interested in loving those who I KNOW love me back...Im liking those who like me, Im lookin out for those who look out for me and Im entertaining those who derserve my company. Sometimes I get soo caught up in..those who mean me no good that I ignore/forget about those who mean the world to me and I tend to neglect the ones I love most. Im getting much much better at it.

Its funny when guys see that your tired of the b.s and you've officially took "it" for what it was and moved on..they wanna devote too much attention to you and tryin to see what your up to and who ur talkin to. Human nature I for right now I cant say that im "feelin" anybody like that...I love my ex...I like certain ppl and I crush certain ppl..I have text buddies but thats as far as it goes right now. Most of the guys I use for moral support live in different cities/states and I kinda like it that way. I know my worth and im "the shit" sucks for whoever doesnt feel the same.

I always have problems with friends..I know its not just me either. I consider myself a go-getter..a nice person (90% of the time ) If your my friend and your sincere then theres nothing I wont do for you. If I have connects..then YOU have connects. If Im goin on vacation, im finding a way for you to go..cus your my friend. Then jealousy rears its ugly head...And theres only soo much I can take..Im the most forgiving person, but when I truly see your real intentions..then fck it ! its a wrap and your looked at as an object from now on. If I still fck with you like that its cus u got somethin I need right now and when I use that up..then your tossed out like the trash you are...harsh?? no its jus how i roll.

To the ones I love and adore which consists of probably 4 or 5 ppl..know what I LOVE YOU..i know im moody but your in my head and heart more than you probably know. And I want nothing but the best for you : )

Thursday, August 2, 2007


My creative streak has come back..thank god I was startin to think I lost it!!!...I been writing songs like crazy..meeting with some producers this week and trying my hardest to finish my book....Im a perfectionist so its never an easy task...Also working on my business plan for a clothing line by me and my fabulous sis (more details on that later ) other than that..all is definately well...could not be happier. Though I may be taking a vacation soon...possibly by myself or maybe with someone else *wink*