feelin myself
whats the deal??
Things over this way are going
smoothly for once. I moved into my own apt. And I could not be happier. I know its not a big deal to some..but to me its everything and its a huuuge deal, Im 22 with a good job and now my own apt, if you knew where I came from then you would understand my being soo elated about this. Im starting to understand guys more than I did last year.
Matter fact lets
rewind to last year. I was such a complicated wreck last yr at this time. I was miserable, Had jus lost my job, could not get back into school due to financial aid and guys completely suucked..mainly cus I didn't understand the game and how it was played (and yes it is a game). My ex
broke up with me and for some reason after 3 yrs , not to mention I was in the process of being evicted.
::
fast forward::
I just moved into a fabulous apt of my own..Sooo completely over the
EX !! fantastic Friends and Im back on my grind. working on finishing up my book about my life..(ya gotta read it to really get it). I feel like theres no curve balls I cant handle, I've been through just about everything you can go through and I've gotten through it. I can honestly say through every trial I have gotten that much stronger. I feel like Im
un-breakable at this point..I cannot be stopped...A force to be....ok u get the point..Im feelin myself a lil bit right now lol.
Now about understanding guys...im realizing u have to play their game a lil bit at first , whoever says dating doesnt require game-playing is a damn liar, thats all it is till you say "I DO"...Im figuring out jus how much game playing it takes....stay tuned
Sometimes I feel completely torn between following
my heart..my love..my passion!! .
verse..Going to school, getting a degree and pretty much accepting the corporate america life that everyone seems to be content with. Im pretty much in corporate america now and lemme tell you..shit aint poppin!..I feel unnapreciated, under-paid and TIRED!! all the goddamn time. I need to jus pitch a tent up in there...shit Im alwaaays there. If I were to follow my heart..ditch school...finish my book , look for a publisher while pursuing my love for singing..sure I would catch mad flack from everyone (I should have a backup plan) ect...But I would be elated to be atleast pursuing what I love...what do you do?..Im the type who doesnt worry about failure I usually jus go for it. But I am getting older and maaaybe I should consider a backup plan..I mean damn I did get a scholarship..should I really let that go to waste? Im too creative for corporate america..they can't handle all of dis hurr..lol but really, Im constantly comming up with new ideas, new ventures..it never stops.
Love--I think I may have actually given up all type of hope on the whole love thing. SHit is it really that important anyway?..(dont answer that) Im tired of dating, im tired of waiting, tired of the disrespect. And I'll be damned if I settle...fck that bullshit!! If your not EVERYTHING I want then...see ya bye! I have every right to want what I want.Then theres the "ex factor" I have two ex boyfriends who both broke up with me. Yes we're still cool, but once you cut me off..and I finally get over you...I can't gain those feelings back..thats just me..Blame it on my surroundings..whatever..thats just how it is. Although I do have someone in mind.....we'll see where it goes....Till then MONEY IS MY BITCH..and thats all I will be concerned about till next timeMiss 215
